Mark's profileA Murder Of CrowsPhotosBlogListsMore  |  Tools Help |
|
September 14 Family Vacation Chronicles Part 2: Where The Rubber Meets The Road“To get through the hardest journey we need take only one step at a time, but we must keep on stepping”
~Chinese Proverb
“Never give up, never surrender”
~From the movie ‘Galaxy Quest’
“Futility: playing a harp before a buffalo”
~Unknown
Family Vacation Chronicles Part 2: Where The Rubber Meets The Road
What I thought would be an easy $800.00 to spend on new tires turned into a whole week odyssey that almost put a kibosh on the pre-ordained vacation getaway time, which was to be Saturday, 5am.
I’ve only had the car for about 6 months, but the tires that come standard on the Saturn Vue suck, well maybe not so much suck as they really-really suck. On dry roads they are good, but come the rains, the SUV starts to fishtail. My wife tells me that this is not a good thing.
My plan is simple: Get To Sears Auto early and place my order for tires and service. My partner at work will then pick me up. Later I will pick up the car with brandy-new tires in time to head home for the day.
Monday, 8:04 am.
I inform the tire dude that I am looking for tires that do not really-really suck.
Tire dude informs me that I have come to the right place as they have a line of tires that really-really do Not suck.
I am shown all the different alternative tires that the store offers.
A choice is made.
The deal is struck.
Signature given; Friendship Rings exchanged and the all-important time to completion calculated and sealed.
I place the call to trusty work sidekick Tonto, who is on standby and ready to pick me up.
Ten minutes later I get back to work.
I sit at my desk.
My cell phone rings.
“Mr. Rocas this is Tire Dude at Sears Auto, here’s the problem (this kind of beginning usually leads to unhappiness on my part), I can’t find the tires that my inventory says that I should have on hand. I have called the sister stores in the area and they are out of stock on them too”.
“So what are my alternatives?” I ask somewhat disappointed. These were really good tires and the price for everything including mounting, balancing, front-end adjustment, old tire disposal and tarot card reading came in under what I had originally expected to pay.
“Well, I can give you the XYZ triple Figamagig tires that I showed you as the next step up tire for the class you were looking for and the total would only be $30.00 more than the original estimate ”
This was an acceptable solution and I assured him that the previous pact made would be honored here. I hung up the phone still warm and fuzzy that the master plan was still in play and within budget.
Five minutes later my cell phone rings again and I start to curse that I have a job that
doesn’t allow alcohol on the premises.
“Mr. Rocas this is Tire Dude at Sears Auto again, here’s the problem (My trusty work sidekick Tonto, sensing a disturbance in the force, readies his keys), It appears that we are also out of that particular tire. As a matter of fact, we are out of all sizes on that tire with the exception of one and I personally made sure that it was in stock before calling you back. They are $75.00 dollars more than the original estimate”.
“Which tires are they?” I ask a little concerned. “I don’t remember going over any tires in that price range”.
“They are the Really-Really sucky tires that come standard on the Saturn Vue”.
Well the fact that he has plenty of these tires and is out of everything else should tell him something. He agrees and I tell him to forget the whole thing and that I am coming to pick up the car, and to put the Friendship Ring on the passenger front seat as we are SO done!
OK, one day wasted, but not to fear, unlike my usual modus operandi, this time I started my tire quest early in the week before my vacation blast off. Tomorrow is another day.
Ground Hog Day
The next day I went to a Firestone dealer. The opening act is strangely familiar but I am confident and try to stay on the positive side, after all, that was yesterday; today is a new day. Once again promises, pacts and invocations are made.
Again trusty sidekick Tonto is called to pick me up.
This time I didn’t even make it back to my desk before my cell phone rang just as we were pulling into the parking space back at work. Trusty sidekick Tonto, intuitively sensing an immediate change in the air, much like a squirrel senses the close proximity of a cat, froze in place and suspended docking maneuvers to await new orders.
“Mr. Rocas, this is Tire Dude at Firestone Tire & Auto, here’s the problem (I suddenly understand how serial killers are made), I can’t find the tires that my inventory says that I should have on hand. I have called the sister stores in the area and they are out of stock on them too”.
“So what are my alternatives?” Trusty sidekick Tonto, without so much of a glance in my direction, puts the car into reverse and begins our déjà vu journey back to tire hell.
“Well, I can give you the XYZ triple Figamagig tires that I showed you as the next step up tire for the class you were looking for and the total would only be $30.00 more than the original estimate ”. Elbert Hubbard once wrote ‘Every man is a damn fool for at least five minutes every day; wisdom consists of not exceeding that limit’
“ALLLriigggGHHHTTty then” I reply, knowing that my five minutes will be used returning to the tire dealer. “That sounds GAA-RAAATE. LETS DO THAT SHALL WE’.
We do not speak, Tonto and I, as we make the return trip to Firestone. He is a good man, this Tonto of mine. He seems to always know when I must be left alone to hold a conference with the seven other personalities that homestead inside my head. All of us agree that we are not happy today. Tonto parks and then looks at me as if to say ‘Aren’t you getting out and in going in?’
I look back at him as if to say ‘Wait for it’.
23 seconds later my cell phone rings.
“Mr. Rocas this is Tire Dude at Firestone Tire & Auto again, here’s the problem, It appears that we are also out of that particular tire. As a matter of fact, we are out of all sizes on that tire with the exception of one and I personally made sure that it was in stock before calling you back. They are $75.00 dollars more than the original estimate”.
“Which tires are they?” I ask in a kind of soft maniacal singsong voice. Tire Dude turns around and jumps back with a small squeak of shock as he discovers that I am standing at the counter that he had his back to as he was talking on the phone to me. A moment later and still unsettled, he continues on; looking at me with wide unblinking eyes and still speaking into the phone. I’m thinking that this looks like fun and so I continue to hold my cell phone to my cheek as well.
“They are the Really-Really sucky tires that come standard on the Saturn Vue…”
At home that evening with a double dose of ‘Thinking Fluid’ in my favorite scotch glass, I look back on the day that was or wasn’t (depending on your outlook). I would like to just go with ‘Tomorrows another day’, but what if it’s not; today sure wasn’t.
Ground Hog Day
The next day yielded the same results as the previous two. I went to Pep Boys and STS Tire and Auto with the same results. I felt like a movie usher who is forced to see the same crappy movie over and over and over again.
That night I went home, drew a bath and got into it holding the plugged in kitchen toaster…
Ground Hog Day
The next day yielded the same results as the previous three. I basically spent no time at work, but was out on the road all day looking for tires. I would have been more successful looking for the Holy Grail. I went to Tire Warehouse, Wal-Mart, K-Mart and every gas station with mechanic service in-between. It was like that crappy song you hear in the morning and can’t get it out of your head. I was losing it and losing it fast.
The last place I ended up in was a BJ’s. How apropos.
The scene basically went like this:
Highly disturbed individual walks into Auto Service area of store.
“Hello, can I help you today?”
I take a long deep breath and begin.
“Actually no you can’t. Oh you really want to, but you can’t. You see, I need 4 new tires for my SUV. You will ask me all the important questions like; what make & model car, engine size and all that. I’ll give you the requested information and you will punch all that info into your trusty space age computer system. You will see that you have this one and that one in that particular size and we will strike a deal. I’ll leave my car and you will begin the work. Sometime after I leave you will call me on my cell phone to inform me that even though your inventory says you do, you will find that you actually don’t, but that you have another brand for just a little more money. I will say OK and you will go ahead only to discover that you don’t have that tire in the needed size either. You will call me back, but this time not before you physically check to see what you actually have on hand. You will call me back, not realizing that I am already on my way back to your store with a pound of C4 and a bazooka because I have already done this dance before and now don’t care who gets hurt.
You will tell me that the only tires that you have on hand are the Really-Really sucky tires that come standard on the Saturn Vue. Before you can ask me if this is OK, I will enter your store and blow it up. This I am sure would not be a good thing for you or me, so I will just leave now. So thanks for nothing”.
*****
The ancient Greek playwrights would often find their plays had become so convoluted and overloaded with plot twists and complicated situation development that they found it difficult if not outright impossible to bring the story to an end that made any sense at all. My old high school gym phys-ed teacher would refer to this as a ‘Blivet’: ten pounds of manure in a five pound bag.
So how did these playwrights of old deal with their literary blivets?
Deus Ex Machinas which translates as: God out of a machine.
An actor portraying God or a god would be lowered onto stage from a crane and with a proclamation and clap of his or her hands resolve the irresolvable.
Neato.
As I was driving home dejected and contemplating a long trip on tires I didn’t trust, out of the blue my cell phones rings.
“Hi, Mr. Rocas, this is the tire dude at Sears Auto. I just wanted to let you know that it took several days but that I had tracked down the tires in the make and size you were looking for at a sister store in Maryland which I had shipped here and now have in hand. I know it has been almost a week since you were here and I don’t know if you are still interested but I just wanted to let you know”.
Deus Ex Machinas baby!!!
I turned immediately around and covered the thirty plus miles to the Sears Auto like a bat out of hell!
Two hours later, I have my new tires and a new respect for Greek playwrights.
So what did I learn during my week of hell:
The Rocas Ride; how's that for manification Mitchell?
© 2007 September 11 Family Vacation Chronicles Part 1: Holiday Road“A vacation is what you take when you can't take what you've been taking any longer.”
~Unknown
“The ant is knowing and wise, but he doesn't know enough to take a vacation”
~Clarence Day
“In Japan, employees occasionally work themselves to death. It's called Karoshi. I don't want that to happen to anybody in my department. The trick is to take a break as soon as you see a bright light and hear dead relatives beckon.”
~Scott Adams
“Absolutely Positively NO! We are going on a vacation that does not involve ten thousand things around the house that need fixing. We are going away to someplace other than here.
We are going to have fun.
YOU are going to have fun. FUN, FUN, FUN ,FUN ,FUN!
OR ELSE.
YOU NEED this vacation more than anyone else”.
My mouth stood suspended in time, frozen in place with an ever ready clever response ready to launch, but instead, I let it die in unfulfilled promise.
She was right. As much as the whole family needed to get away, I needed it more than anyone. This summer has been a complete drain on me; the commute, big work projects, lagging home maintenance with side orders of my son’s high school graduation, Eagle Scout certification, car repairs, bills to pay, sleepless nights, car repairs, bills to pay and sleepless nights;
I had become Nosferatau: The Walking Dead.
I was burned out to the point that even just thinking about doing the things I normally like to do seemed like a painful endeavor, so I ended up doing nothing except that which absolutely needed to get done, and those were done half assed.
God she was right! If I didn’t get a little selfish and start thinking about moi, I might never make my back.
And so our course was charted: the Outer Banks of North Carolina with the third week in August the date.
It would be a cozy family time together.
Just all 26 of us.
Yes, this was to be a vacation of the family re-union type, mostly made up by people I see all the time, in addition to eight Canadians who we haven’t seen since the last family re-union held about eight years ago up in the land of hockey Eh, tuques Eh, and Molson Ale Eh.
The location is a summer rental house partially owned by my wife’s sister and husband. Did I say house? Three floors, eight bedrooms, eight full bathrooms, top floor Great Room with a 71” Plasma TV, heated swimming pool, Hot Tub, gynormous kitchen and 2 humongous wrap around upper level balconies with which to gaze out on some of the prettiest beach line located in one of the most exclusive (Translation: my type not allowed) beach front communities in the Outer Banks.
Calling this place a 'House' is like calling a cruise ship a 'boat'.
So with such a huge place as to not feel like we would be tripping over one another and because these are all people I enjoy being with anyhow, I not only resigned myself to the time away, but was actually starting to look forward to it. And once I got past the fact that we were actually going, I started to think about the things to look forward to; the beach, lighthouses, frozen margaritas, Pirate lore, the wild ponies, seafood, beer, beach babes (“OUCH!!!”) -er- wife & I strolling hand in hand along the oceans edge (“There you happy now? You know that smack to the back of my head really hurt, what are you wearing brass knuckles?”) and all the other beach type vacation items that we have not been able to do in many years. Despite the bump to my head and the blurred vision, I WAS STOKED!
Of course there was one thing that needed to get done before the long journey south could begin and I was resigned not to do my usual waiting around until the last moment to get them done. The week before the trip should be plenty of time to get the deed done.
My Mission: New tires.
How hard could that be?
Apparently harder than I thought…
“OUCH!!! AVAST WOMAN, WILL YOU PLEASE STOP HITTING ME!!!!"
© 2007 |
|
|
