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11月1日 Dia De Los MuertosWishing all of you a happy Day Of The Dead: Remember the lives that have touched us, but who are with us no more. Remember that the lives that are with us no more, live on through us. Remember to touch the lives of others, so that we may never die
10月1日 A PEEK IN THE VAULTIt is October 1st, the first day of the bestus month of the year. My wife’s birthday falls in October, our wedding anniversary does too. Leaves will reveal their truer nature in the branches above, the air will grow cool & crisp with each passing day, wood smoke will lace the air as chimneys are once again called into action and pumpkins color the hillside to announce that the only REAL holiday worth the wait is a mere 30 days away. October 1st is also my dad’s birthday; he would have been 85 years old today. My dad passed away almost 18 years ago and what I especially miss the most about him, was his ability to craft an enjoyable yarn out of truth and bullshit; the true markings of a master story teller. So for his birthday, I will set here a copy of a story I wrote back in January 2000, which relates to one of his tales that I still enjoy to this day. This piece was part of a short lived email series that I did for family way back before ‘blog’ was even a word (and I know that it is a word now because my spell check did not have a hissy fit when I typed it out). The series was called ‘The Vault’ and I would like to thank my cousin Sue for getting a copy of this to me (it was also written way back before I knew what the work ‘backup’ meant). ~ The Vault Greetings Clan, Boy oh boy, it’s colder than a witch’s thorax outside. Hope you are all keeping warm. The next tidbit from the vault has a bit of a good old fashion mystery attached to the subject. The subject is one Gladys Reichley Oliver, who was married to Pop-Pops older brother Winfield. It was, and still is suspected by some that she played a hand in helping to put Winfield into an early grave. The story goes something like this: Gladys Reichley marries Winfield Oliver and they go off and live in NYC. Somewhere into this picture enters another man, who is not only a doctor, but who also likes to play doctor with Gladys. Gladys likes to play with the doctor. Unfortunately and not so mysteriously, Winfield begins to feel ill and gets worse each day. Unfortunately and not so mysteriously, Winfield is being treated by our overly friendly doctor. Winfield soon dies. Our doctor friend declares Winfield died from something more socially acceptable than poisoning. The family suspects he is done in by arsenic and the local mortician tries in vain to get Winfield’s father (Poppy) to have an autopsy done to check for arsenic poisoning. Poppy refuses to have an autopsy done stating “It will not bring Winfield back”. Gladys arrives at wake with doctor in tow. Gladys raises the back of her hand to just above her eyes and grieves mightily at the site of her late husband in the coffin. The Doctor is very supportive. Those present all agree that it was a great performance, worthy even of the great Katherine Hepburn. Winfield is buried. **** A nephew witnesses ‘Katherine Hepburn’ toss her wedding ring into the open grave when she thinks no one is looking. Family and friends disperse. Gladys and her doctor friend disappear into the swirling mists of time (sorry, I couldn’t help myself).
Now, that’s the story as I have heard it for many years and from many different sources with the exception of the part about the nephew and the wedding ring. That part was told to me by my father who claimed to be the very same said nephew. One of the things I loved and miss about my father was the way he could embellish a story like no other could (or would), especially if it dealt with tragic deaths and murders (the waitress being decapitated while walking home late one night along the highway, being one of his favorites). Now while this part of the story will always remain a part of the lore, I’m pretty sure that this is his colorful addition to an otherwise already colorful story. For me, it works. So there you have it. Was it just a tragic and untimely death of a young married man (BULLSHIT) Or was it a classic case of wife-becomes-cold-blooded-murdering-psychopathic-bitch-monster-from-hell (OH YEAH BABY!!!!) I have done some poking around on the internet to see if I could find any trace of our elusive Great (wife-becomes-cold-blooded-murdering-psychopathic-bitch-monster-from-hell) Aunt and her very personal physician, but no luck so far. My wife wants to know why I would even want to bother. What can I say; I am what I am, and I need to know this kind of stuff. And since arsenic does not decompose with the body, I guess the truth will remain buried under six feet of Pennsylvania soil (sorry, I couldn’t help myself again). Love to all and keep warm ~ HAPPY BIRTHDAY DAD 8月2日 A YearA Year. It has been a year of reflection and
discovery. It has been a year of loss It has been year of renewal. It has been a year of remembering It has been a year to forget.
So many changes within and without.
It has been a year to choose a path
toward the twilight It has been a year to look into the
evening sky and wonder. It has been a year to grieve It has been a year to rejoice. It has been a year to celebrate my life It has been a year to wonder why I am here at all.
Some will see this as having been a
quest of deep introspection Some will see it as nothing more than a
wasteful misstep. I have no problem seeing it both ways.
I have found that my existence will
always be defined by poetic dichotomy, sprinkled with a healthy dash
of bullshit (I get that from my father, God love him). I was in a melancholy state when I last
gave voice here and it stayed with me for most of my time away. Those
of you who know me by form or word, know that I have always dwelt in
the shadowy midland between the present and the past. I don't believe
I would ever stray from that path; it is the path that feeds my
creative nature and I fear it not. But like a surgeon or soldier who
is suddenly pressed into immobility by the loss that surrounds them
in the midst of their familiar grounds, I too was overshadowed by the
gloom of loss, and was made silent by it's touch. And so, I stepped back a year to be still, and listen to the wind. My style will look the same as it ever did, but it will come from a refreshed heart and a stronger light, to guide me on my path through the valley of shadow.
8月1日 The VoidWhere has my heart gone In emptiness I now dwell-
The breeze has gone still.
Where have my dreams fled
That which propelled me forward-
The silent waters.
The stars have gone black
My course no longer matters-
Adrift and alone.
A moment of sight
And then there is nothing left-
Was it ever there.
...
To re-awaken
To breath deep the crisp cool air-
Come again to me. To hear your laughter Or to understand your pain- To share and to heal. But this cannot be The earth accepts its burden- I dwell in the void. *** *** It has been several months since I last posted anything and I was, for the most part, taking a breather as I decide my next course in the crossroads and while I have been silent, I have been watching. Yes, I admit it, I am a LURKER. This Haiku string is a result of reading a post from one of my favorite stops; The Gav Menagerie. This particular post really touched home as I remember a friend, who when faced with a very different and difficult crossroad of his own, decided to take the path that would end his pain, but one that would create a void for those of us he left behind. After all these years, there is not a day that I don't think about him and wonder the what if's: What if I had been a closer friend. What if I had a chance to talk to him before he stood at that moment of decision. What if What if What if But I don't know, I can only guess. The Haiku string above begins with his voice and concludes with mine. And I still feel just as empty.
5月28日 Tonight I Sail
Last night I dreamt a dream of life, as I have but once before; I saw the years of happy bliss; I saw the years of woe; Tonight my love,
© 2008 Painting by Caspar David Friedrich 5月18日 I Dream - A Rare ExplainationI have never done this before, but at this particular juncture in my life, I feel the need to do so. Get a new car? No I've done those things already. What I need to do here is to explain my poetry; or at least my last entry, 'I Dream'. I have had many comments from family and friends about this particular piece and a lot of it is on the worrisome side. No I am not feeling blue, black or any other color. My brothers comment pretty much sums up the rest of the comments in general; 'do not give up hope', 'Carpe Diem' and all that. Siobhan commented on the page and then asked, “Did you have a birthday or something?“. Well Yes. And No. Yes, I am 11 days from my 50th Birthday and No, it has nothing to do with the poem. I approach each birthday the same as the one before it; it is just another day that I need to pay the bills. I do not feel any older than I did 20 years ago and I am blessed with the physique of a Greek god (that has seen better days). True, there are many things in my life that I wish I had done differently and boy, if I could just turn back time... But that is part of life and I embrace the regrets the same as the triumphs, as long as we grow and pass along our lessons, we live a fruitful life. 'I Dream' was about just that; Dreaming. Dreaming of better things, better ways and new beginnings; even after we have shed this mortal coil, I believe life in some way continues. I am not going to argue the concepts of religious theology, New Age philosophy or any other 'ogy or 'phy. I do not have the answers, and neither do you. But I have a faith in the unknown and while we cannot conceive what what awaits us beyond this life, I know that life does not end here. But I will admit to a measure of sadness in 'I
Dream'; that brief moment of regret we may feel about our failures in life and that what we were and did will fade away until it is totally forgotten. A leap of faith is always tinged with doubt.
I look over the photographs of long ago ancestors and strangers and look into their eyes and wonder at the life that was. I love old movies, but when I watch them, I can't help but wonder at seeing the animated form and hearing the voices of people who are no longer among us and think, 'how can this be, they are right before my eyes'. Yes I am weird, but I have never claimed otherwise. I have always had this sense of the people who have come before us. I can go into an old house and stare at an old scratch in a tabletop or long ago worn out steps and feel connected to those that made them, in that bridge between them and me. When I go to cemeteries to photograph the headstones (see Through Her Eyes), I cannot feel but touched at what is the last earthly statement of these people. Many people, including close friends are creep'd out by cemeteries and think that I am nuts. They are afraid because they have doubts. I do not. My fascination with the dead and death are not a morbid fare. I look at death as a celebration of LIFE, even when it is brief and tragic. When I look into a faded and yellowed photograph, I wonder about the lives that were touched by the eyes that look back at me, and if they were in my ascendancy, I wonder about what part of them exists in me. When we have children, we pass along a piece of ourselves into the recipe that is forever, a work in progress. We are made unique by the very people who came before us and the ones who will follow. Poetry should do one of two things: it should either paint a picture as clear as a photograph, or it should have a separate meaning for each person who reads it. 'I Dream' is of the latter and for each person who reads it, my hope is that you will not worry about what I am feeling, but that it will have a special meaning for you. The month of May, outside of being my birth month, has always been a favorite time of year. It is a time of re-birth when nature has shrugged off the slumber of winter and we humans get out of our protective enclosures and enjoy the outside as it blooms and sings. This is the time of year when I usually go into poetry mode,and my subject matter will be for some, on the 'morbid' side. This is far from the truth. So if you stop by and read my poems, my hope is that they will have some meaning for you and at the very least, that you will enjoy the brief moment in the reading. Some will have a sad note to them because that WAS the way I was feeling at the moment and from this side of the perspective, but like I said, that is how we grow and how we embrace the life we have here; not worrying about the hereafter, but the 'here and now'. Of life, I have have some experience, But on the after life; I Dream.
5月4日 I DreamI dream. Between the mantle of my love and the
armor of my hate, Between the sword of my needs and the
quest of my desires, Between the truth of my knowledge and
my faith in the unknown, Between the sunset of my age and the
memory of my youth, Between the counting of my days and the
immortality of my end, I dream. I dream.
And when I can dream no more, because my days have come to pass, My body will be covered, My love will pass away, My memory will fade with time, My works will be forgotten. And yet, within that quiet cradle,
4月2日 Rolling Out Of Bed“If you miss the train I'm on, you will know that I am gone, you can hear the whistle blow a hundred miles”
~Lyrics by Peter, Paul and Mary
“Most people never feel secure because they are always worried that they will lose their job, lose the money they already have, lose their spouse, lose their health, and so on. The only true security in life comes from knowing that every single day you are improving yourself in some way, that you are increasing the caliber of who you are and that you are valuable to your company, your friends, and your family.”
~Anthony Robbins
“SHOW ME THE MONEY”
~Wide receiver Rod Tidwell (Cuba Gooding, Jr.) from the movie ‘Jerry Maguire’
As I alluded to in my previous post ‘Gone Fishing’, I have taken on another job that takes me 100 miles less distance to get to. After a 20 year career (is that really a word that means anything anymore?) with a company that I abhorred; that was the service provider for a company I hated even more, I took the plunge and accepted a job with a smaller company.
A much smaller company.
By about 10 billion people.
I now work for a company of about – Oh – errr- about – umm – 25 people and my office is right next to the CEO; Big Boss; Grand Poobah.
And he asks me if I need coffee!
Finally out from under the thumbs of a big corporation.
It is the kind of job that I have been dreaming to have for quite sometime and thought it to be too allusive an animal (and yes lets face it, I want to have J.K. Rowling’s Job, but realism keeps getting in my way). It was the mythical ‘Opportunity knocking on my door’ event. To boil it down, I accepted a position with people I had worked with in the past, who knew my work ethic and my computer skills, and who had been courting my services for almost a year. Finally I said yes.
SUCKERS!!!!!!!
No really, all kidding aside, I am a fricken genius.
OK, maybe more a savant.
OK, Idiot Savant
But hey, I got to where I needed to go.
But at a price.
I may have hated the company I was at, but the people I worked with day in and out, were better than work colleagues, they were more like family. I dreaded the day I gave my 2 weeks notice and I won’t even go into my last day there; just thinking about it makes me go wussy, except to say that the walk from that building to my car, was the loneliest walk I have ever taken. I think I stood out in that parking for a least a half hour, just looking back at it.
So where am I now? At a job that is twenty miles from my home. For some, that is a long distance, for others it’s not so bad. For me, it’s like rolling out of bed. I have basically shortened my daily commute by 190 miles.
When I told my gas station attendant that I was no longer going to see him on a daily basis, I think he started to cry. When The big 3 oil company execs heard that I was no longer going to add to the lions share of their bottom line, I believe that they jumped off of their ‘Ivory Towers’ (or a least I hope they did).
*****
It has been a month now since I changed jobs and it has been great so far. This month I figure that I have saved about $600.00 in fuel bills and, I have regained my vision as I can finally see in living color again; no more hazy grey tones. I have kept in touch with the gang down south and even made a surprise visit there last week. It’s funny how the ride there and back this time felt almost like it did when I first started down there: Fresh and exciting.
I have started catching up on a lot of back work here on the ranch and let me tell you, there is a lot of it, which is why you haven’t heard much from me lately. I have been re-introducing myself to long lost family and friends and will even get to see my little sister this May.
I won’t say that life is better than it was, it has always been good. It’s just that now, like when Dorothy stepped from the dreary sepia tones of her Kansas farm house into the Technicolor world of OZ, it once again seems fresh and exciting.
3月15日 Et Tu Tu U TuJust want to wish you all a Happy Ides Of March; a celebration of watching your back (especially amongst your friends).
3月14日 I Pledge Allegiance“If we want our children to possess the traits of character we most admire, we need to teach them what those traits are and why they deserve both admiration and allegiance. Children must learn to identify the forms and content of those traits.”
~ William Bennett
“When the doctrine of allegiance to party can utterly up-end a man's moral constitution and make a temporary fool of him besides, what excuse are you going to offer for preaching it?…”
~Mark Twain
“We have become so conditioned to the mouthing of the words that we now say them without feeling or even knowledge of what they really mean. These words were meant to be so much more than the start of a school day or the even more faded beginning to an assembly of our government bodies. I believe that we all, from the most common citizen to the one that occupies our highest office, have become cold and indifferent when we begin to mutter the words I Pledge Allegiance…”
~Mark Alexander Oliver
“I pledge allegiance to the Flag of the United States of America and to the Republic for which it stands, one Nation, under God, indivisible, with liberty and justice for all”
For those who need a refresher course on what these words really mean, please click HERE.
For those who believe that they already understand the meaning, you absolutely must click HERE.
2月20日 Gone FishingRing
Ring
Ring
Hello, you have reached the office of ‘A Murder Of Crows’. We will be out of the office beginning 2/8 through 3/3, while I put the finishing touches on shocking the gasoline company's bottom line by permanently shortening my daily commute by 200 miles, regain some semblance of a life by getting more than 4 hours of sleep a night and getting reacquainted with the woman I married almost 25 years ago; but haven’t seen much of in two and a half years (I also understand that I have two kids and a dog somewhere in the mix too).
Have a pleasant day.
Beeeeep.
 2月8日 100 Word Challenge - Fire
Go here for details and the rules of the Velvet Verbosity 100 Word Challenge. The topic for this round is:
FIRE
Within your colors I can dream And see those things undreamt, You pull me into places new To places I’ve before now went.
Within your heat I feel at home By your warm, yet teasing touch, You protect me with your warm embrace Keeping back the colds’ grey clutch.
Your light reflects within my eyes And you are all that I can now see, Your glow descends down deep within To become at one with me.
So carry me off to distant shores And to times forgotten long, Within my hearth, I watch your dance And hear your sirens song.
Haiku Friday – Week Of Woe Continues A Breezy Interlude
Power is restored
Now move on to the next task;
Save myself some dough
Lay new carpet down
Must hurry to beat the clock;
So far, all is good.
Carpet now installed
Returned the rentals on time;
WooHoo! Who’s the Man!
Move furniture back
Move PC back into place;
But it’s full of dust
Carry it outside
Smart of me; no dirt indoors;
WooHoo! Who’s the Man!
Place it on deck rail
Not to worry; enough room;
Will not fall over
Open up the case
Wow, there is a lot of dust;
Can of air should do
Blow away the dirt
It was a good beginning;
Can is out of air
Still a lot more dust
Go to store to get some more?
Got a bright idea
Shop Vac is at hand
Top converts to leaf blower;
WooHoo! Who’s the Man!
Get it all setup
Remember to grab it first;
Don’t want it to fall
Blower in right hand
Must grab it first with the left;
Guess which hand won race
Air blast hits PC
Physics has a brand new law;
PC’s now can fly
PC on the ground
And what do I worry most;
Anyone see that?
Look around; I’m safe
Bring the PC back topside;
This time holding tight
Explosive dust cloud
Now as clean as a whistle;
Hope it still will work
PC powers up
Works much better than it did;
WooHoo! Who’s the Man!
Daughter is perplexed
Grass sticks out of the casing;
“Yeah hon, that’s normal”
Daughter is happy
And no one is the wiser;
WooHoo! Who’s the Man!
2月5日 My Week Of Woe - Darkness Falls – Part II“Once upon a midnight dreary, while I pondered weak and weary...”
~Edgar Allan Poe
“It's always darkest before the dawn”
~Proverb
“The most exciting phrase to hear in science, the one that heralds the most discoveries, is not 'Eureka!' (I found it!), but 'That's funny”
~Isaac Asimov
Darkness Falls – Part II
Most people who had Martin Luther King’s Birthday off, more than likely enjoyed a day of sleeping in and lazing about the house or, shopping at the mall and lets face it folks, like all the other holidays that we are meant to celebrate with honor and reflection, most of us do not. I on the other hand spent the pre-dawn hours looking for a house gremlin. This particular mischief maker was keeping half of my house without power and all of me without sleep. Getting up from bed every half hour or so to see if anything new would present itself to my over taxed flashlight, yielded the same results as when I keep returning to the refrigerator to see if anything new to eat has magically appeared.
My flashlight batteries and I both conked out around 5am, in which time I finally was able to get in around three hours of sleep.
Strangely enough, I dreamt of candles.
Luckily for me the day was sunny, so I was able to easily poke around the problem areas without the need of a flashlight or work light.
Hooray for me.
One of the problems that I was facing was that I needed to find and rectify this problem as soon as possible because I was supposed to be installing a new carpet in my daughter’s room and just in case I forgot about this, I had the daily rental of the carpet knee-kick and stretcher to remind me. I needed to return these items back to the rental place by noon time or face another day’s rental. I spent about thirty minutes retracing the wires from the breaker box for the 50th time in twelve hours, and coming up with the same answer.
I work in the corporate environment and in this environment, we are bombarded with corporate style catch phrases and concepts that on the surface, we proudly proclaim as the way to success, but inside we know to be only good for lining bird cages with. In my 20 years floating in the sea of big business, I have only heard one concept from the Hallowed Halls of Horse Hockey that had any real life application, and that little gem is called ‘Benevolent Neglect’; the act of putting a puzzling problem that you have focused on for too long, out of your mind by focusing on something else which in turn, actually helps your brain to solve the problem because it is no longer straining over it. I have practiced this over the years and have found that it has a highly successful success rate in helping me to solve issues.
And so, I turn to laying carpet down.
But not really.
I am so mad that I can’t solve what should be an obvious fix, that I go no further than to sit on the floor of the room I’m supposed to be applying the brandy-new smelling carpet, staring at the outlet I know to be the culprit. I have tried replacing the outlet and even tried bypassing the outlet, all without result. So now it is just me and the outlet, locked in a ‘to the death’ staring match. I also start to hear the voice of defeat in my head stating that it was about time I called the three-Lexus-car-owning-and-mansion-on-the-hill-with Olympic-size-swimming-pool electrician
In the midst of this epic battle of mind over amperes, my cell phone rings. My daughter calls me on her 1st day of the Spring Session at college to tell me the good news:
“Dad, my car won’t start…
And the windows and defroster motor don’t work…
And when class ends, I have to go to work…
And then back to a night class”.
I tell her to calm down and that I would pick her up from school and get her to where she needed to go and in the meantime, I will call my auto mechanic and let him know he has a patient on the way. “Don’t worry hon, we will work it out”.
I end the call. It is always very important to reflect a calm, positive image to your children when a stressful situation raises its ugly head…
But there is nothing said that you can’t rip the universe a new anus when they’re out of ear shot!
I pick up the hammer next to me that I had been using to nail down the carpet strips and raise it towards the heavens, roaring upon Devine ears
“OH REALLY LORD; CAN’T I GET JUST ONE DAMNED LOUSY F’ING BREAK FROM YOU THIS WEEK! WOULD THAT BE TO F’ING MUCH TO ASK YOUR ALMIGHTY F’ING HOLINESS FOR, YOU BIG STUPID JERK!!!!!
And like the Norse god Thor, I slammed the hammer onto the bare wood floor just below the evil electrical outlet…
“And God said, let there be light and there was light…”
And just like that, the power was restored to the stricken rooms.
“ALL RIGHT! THANKS DAD”, I hear my son call out from two rooms away.
“And Rocas saw the light, and that the light was good.”
My rejoice although real, was short lived. While I’m not a true blue, bible toting Electrician, I do know enough to know that the household electrical service is not quite supposed to work that way, Divine Clapper or not.
So I did what anyone else with a hammer in hand would do; I looked a gift horse in the mouth.
Wham. I struck the floor in the same spot again.
“Awwwh DaaaaaD”. And what I thought would happen happened; the lights went out again.
Wham. Three times the charm. The lights were back on.
Silence from the other room and I can feel my son silently staring at me through the walls willing me to not repeat my performance.
I go into the basement and locate the area just below where hammer met floor, and lo and behold, hidden on the side of a floor joist close to a wall (where I would not have ever seen it), was a junction box.
Upon later inspection of this newly discovered electrical artery, it was discovered that the wires were a little loose. They were also a little old and brittle. Seeing that this was going to need to be rewired, I called into work and told them that I would be taking a couple of vacation days.
Some would say that in my ‘woe is me’ moment, God took pity on me and literally showed me the light. Perhaps he did, but as I was later to learn that very afternoon, God has a wicked sense of humor and that he wasn’t done with me yet.
“And the evening and the morning, was the fourth day”
2月1日 Haiku Friday – Darkness FallsDarkness Falls
Hoping for some peace
Three day weekend to relax-
Better luck next time
Saturday was calm
Just like the eye of a storm-
Evil this way comes
Sunday was a wash
Half the house without power-
Night was coming fast
Could not find the fault
Though I knew where it should be-
Grouchy, Grouchy man
Candle light was nice
Kitchen was not affected-
Beer at least was cold
Could not sleep that night
Running problem through my head-
Darkness mocks my plight
I get up again
The fifth time so far tonight-
No new insight found
Dawn begins to break
The crows are outside laughing-
They know me too well.
1月31日 My Week Of Woe - The Shape Of Things To Come“Life is what happens when you are busy making other plans”
~John Lennon
“In times like these, it is helpful to remember that there have always been times like these”
~Paul Harvey
“The day after tomorrow is the third day of the rest of your life”
~George Carlin
This past week, beginning with the great snowfall that wasn’t, to just this past Sunday, was a pure and utter cyclone of crap. With nary a moment that I can say that I was able to draw a moment’s breath, the full curses of heaven rained down upon me as they had upon the weary head of Job. My week ran like that old joke that went something like:
Speaker A; “Such and such happened to me today”
Speaker B: “Oh that’s bad”
Speaker A: “No, that good because …”
Speaker B: “Oh that’s good”
Speaker A: “No, That’s bad because…”
And so on.
It all began like a herald’s proclamation of my week to be, with the commute home I had on the Thursday before last, with snow flying and the cars moving very slowly, it took me five plus hours to go a hundred and twelve miles.
Oh that’s bad.
No that good. I usually start to drift into a dreamy trance when I’m going sixty five miles an hour while driving along the most boring road on the face of the planet. But because the traffic was crawling, I never felt like I was drifting off to la-la land.
Oh that’s good.
No that’s bad. I usually have a cup of tea before I have to drive home. The caffeine doesn’t really do anything for me in the way of energy, but the simple act of drinking liquid has a way of reviving me. I usually make it home before I feel the need to hit the bathroom.
Needless to say the slow traffic put a real strain on the bladder. My teeth were really swimming and I was only 50 miles (halfway) into my sojourn home.
Oh that’s bad.
No that’s good. The road I travel home has many an exit (remember, this is New Jersey), that I can get off and find a facility to match my needs.
Oh that’s good.
No that’s bad. Of the sixty seven exits that I have a choice to take on the first leg of my march north to home, I would pick the one that has only a McDonalds listed, which is not a problem (there rest rooms are just as compatible to my immediate need as anyone else’s), but I would pick the only exit along the whole stretch that had a McDonalds with a huge banner proclaiming: ‘OPENING SOON TO SERVE YOUR NEIGHBORHOOD - APPLICATIONS NOW BEING ACCEPTED’.
My bladder was not happy.
Oh that’s bad.
No that’s good. Instead of having to get back onto the highway again to make a slow roll to the next exit which by my pee-pee clock, was one mile distant but forever and a day away, I saw a sign that stated that there was a Wendy’s 4 miles further down this marginally congested road.
Oh that’s good.
No that’s bad. While the road was lightly traveled this day, it had four hundred and eighty six traffic lights (by my bladders count), and of course I hit every single one. I was squirming so badly in my seat, that a passerby may have thought that I was channeling the spirit of James Brown. Wahhaaaaaaaa
Oh that’s bad.
No that’s good. I found an unadvertised Burger King just a little over a mile up the road.
Oh that’s good.
No that’s bad. When the snow flies, I like to play classical music; to me it is just a natural match up. I kid you not when I tell you that at the very instant I saw the Burger King to my left, the CD started to play the Hallelujah Chorus from Handel’s “Messiah”. Despite my great pain, I couldn’t help but to bust out laughing, which brought me closer to any other time in my entire life, to having almost completely wet my pants so close to victory. I was in such pain doing a very jerky robot like walk from the car to the rest room.
Oh that’s bad.
No that’s good. I made it to the restroom and experienced that great flush (pun intended) of intense pleasure one get from finally letting go of a great weight, and I also, as a reward for not succumbing to ‘Roadside Assistance’ (that thinly veiled attempt by men to relieve themselves by their car at the side of the road, simply because they are too lazy to get off the highway. Who do you clowns think you’re fooling anyway!), I bought myself a large vanilla milkshake and an Uber size box O’ Fries. UUuuuuummmmmmmmmmmmmmmm.
Oh that’s good.
No that’s bad. I still had another 62 miles and three hours left until I finally got home and the reward I gave myself ended up being a death sentence to my internal plumbing.
Oh that’s bad.
Yes, it was very bad.
1月18日 Haiku Friday :Snow Flies - I CrawlSnow Flies – I Crawl
I approach the door I see the snow is flying; Crappy ride ahead
Cars go very slow Yet no snow covers the ground; Squirrels laugh from tree tops
Some cars go by fast Without regard for wet road; Soon – organ donors
Ninety takes me two The last twenty takes me three; Someone’s got to die
Five hour ride home Which normally takes me two; My brain is broken.
1月17日 100 Word Challenge Part III - Most Memorable New Years
The time is up on the 100 word challenge – Most Memorable New Years, so here is my entry to the last of the challenges (unless someone else takes it up). My 4 hats off to Lauren for her early entry; I love this style of poetry which somehow eludes my ability to create successfully, but I will endeavor to work on that. ... There are many New Years memories that I could have used here and certainly happier ones, but it was this particular New Years that affected me the most, because it reminds me to this day, that tomorrow is never a promise and procrastination can become a wound.
1991, with less than a minute left.
And while those around me celebrate the New Year at hand,
I wonder how to hold it back and reverse the days.
Not many
Just forty.
You were there all my life,
But now a new year dawns without you,
And I cannot understand how that can be;
The sun still rises and sets,
People still work and play.
Don't they too, feel somehow diminished?
I know you had to go
And that I could not stop the tide,
But if only I had come a little sooner,
I could have said
Goodbye.
1月12日 Reclaiming LifeI was going to write about this very subject, but then I read this entry by Velvet Verbosity and then tossed the idea away; with her entry I realized that this is as good as it is going to get. 1月7日 Mission Implantable - 100 Word Challenge Part IIIGood Morning Mr. Phelps
The report you see before you is for the next installment of the 100 Word Challenge, which has fallen on my doorstep (following Velvet Verbosity and Women Remodeled).
Your mission, should you choose to accept it, is to write 100 words concerning your MOST MEMORABLE NEW YEARS EVE. This report can be about a cherished, funny, sad or even hated memory of this most endearing celebration of people wondering, ‘What the Hell did I do last night and more importantly, did anyone see me doing it?’
January 16th is the deadline and the results will be posted here.
As always if you or any of your B.L.O.G. forces is stumped or late, the Secretary will disavow any knowledge of you actions.
Good Luck Jim.
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