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A Murder Of Crows"I rarely end up where I was intending to go, but I often end up somewhere that I needed to be." ~Douglas Adams
May 28 Tonight I Sail
Last night I dreamt a dream of life, as I have but once before; I saw the years of happy bliss; I saw the years of woe; Tonight my love,
© 2008 Painting by Caspar David Friedrich May 18 I Dream - A Rare ExplainationI have never done this before, but at this particular juncture in my life, I feel the need to do so. Get a new car? No I've done those things already. What I need to do here is to explain my poetry; or at least my last entry, 'I Dream'. I have had many comments from family and friends about this particular piece and a lot of it is on the worrisome side. No I am not feeling blue, black or any other color. My brothers comment pretty much sums up the rest of the comments in general; 'do not give up hope', 'Carpe Diem' and all that. Siobhan commented on the page and then asked, “Did you have a birthday or something?“. Well Yes. And No. Yes, I am 11 days from my 50th Birthday and No, it has nothing to do with the poem. I approach each birthday the same as the one before it; it is just another day that I need to pay the bills. I do not feel any older than I did 20 years ago and I am blessed with the physique of a Greek god (that has seen better days). True, there are many things in my life that I wish I had done differently and boy, if I could just turn back time... But that is part of life and I embrace the regrets the same as the triumphs, as long as we grow and pass along our lessons, we live a fruitful life. 'I Dream' was about just that; Dreaming. Dreaming of better things, better ways and new beginnings; even after we have shed this mortal coil, I believe life in some way continues. I am not going to argue the concepts of religious theology, New Age philosophy or any other 'ogy or 'phy. I do not have the answers, and neither do you. But I have a faith in the unknown and while we cannot conceive what what awaits us beyond this life, I know that life does not end here. But I will admit to a measure of sadness in 'I
Dream'; that brief moment of regret we may feel about our failures in life and that what we were and did will fade away until it is totally forgotten. A leap of faith is always tinged with doubt.
I look over the photographs of long ago ancestors and strangers and look into their eyes and wonder at the life that was. I love old movies, but when I watch them, I can't help but wonder at seeing the animated form and hearing the voices of people who are no longer among us and think, 'how can this be, they are right before my eyes'. Yes I am weird, but I have never claimed otherwise. I have always had this sense of the people who have come before us. I can go into an old house and stare at an old scratch in a tabletop or long ago worn out steps and feel connected to those that made them, in that bridge between them and me. When I go to cemeteries to photograph the headstones (see Through Her Eyes), I cannot feel but touched at what is the last earthly statement of these people. Many people, including close friends are creep'd out by cemeteries and think that I am nuts. They are afraid because they have doubts. I do not. My fascination with the dead and death are not a morbid fare. I look at death as a celebration of LIFE, even when it is brief and tragic. When I look into a faded and yellowed photograph, I wonder about the lives that were touched by the eyes that look back at me, and if they were in my ascendancy, I wonder about what part of them exists in me. When we have children, we pass along a piece of ourselves into the recipe that is forever, a work in progress. We are made unique by the very people who came before us and the ones who will follow. Poetry should do one of two things: it should either paint a picture as clear as a photograph, or it should have a separate meaning for each person who reads it. 'I Dream' is of the latter and for each person who reads it, my hope is that you will not worry about what I am feeling, but that it will have a special meaning for you. The month of May, outside of being my birth month, has always been a favorite time of year. It is a time of re-birth when nature has shrugged off the slumber of winter and we humans get out of our protective enclosures and enjoy the outside as it blooms and sings. This is the time of year when I usually go into poetry mode,and my subject matter will be for some, on the 'morbid' side. This is far from the truth. So if you stop by and read my poems, my hope is that they will have some meaning for you and at the very least, that you will enjoy the brief moment in the reading. Some will have a sad note to them because that WAS the way I was feeling at the moment and from this side of the perspective, but like I said, that is how we grow and how we embrace the life we have here; not worrying about the hereafter, but the 'here and now'. Of life, I have have some experience, But on the after life; I Dream.
May 04 I DreamI dream. Between the mantle of my love and the
armor of my hate, Between the sword of my needs and the
quest of my desires, Between the truth of my knowledge and
my faith in the unknown, Between the sunset of my age and the
memory of my youth, Between the counting of my days and the
immortality of my end, I dream. I dream.
And when I can dream no more, because my days have come to pass, My body will be covered, My love will pass away, My memory will fade with time, My works will be forgotten. And yet, within that quiet cradle,
April 02 Rolling Out Of Bed“If you miss the train I'm on, you will know that I am gone, you can hear the whistle blow a hundred miles”
~Lyrics by Peter, Paul and Mary
“Most people never feel secure because they are always worried that they will lose their job, lose the money they already have, lose their spouse, lose their health, and so on. The only true security in life comes from knowing that every single day you are improving yourself in some way, that you are increasing the caliber of who you are and that you are valuable to your company, your friends, and your family.”
~Anthony Robbins
“SHOW ME THE MONEY”
~Wide receiver Rod Tidwell (Cuba Gooding, Jr.) from the movie ‘Jerry Maguire’
As I alluded to in my previous post ‘Gone Fishing’, I have taken on another job that takes me 100 miles less distance to get to. After a 20 year career (is that really a word that means anything anymore?) with a company that I abhorred; that was the service provider for a company I hated even more, I took the plunge and accepted a job with a smaller company.
A much smaller company.
By about 10 billion people.
I now work for a company of about – Oh – errr- about – umm – 25 people and my office is right next to the CEO; Big Boss; Grand Poobah.
And he asks me if I need coffee!
Finally out from under the thumbs of a big corporation.
It is the kind of job that I have been dreaming to have for quite sometime and thought it to be too allusive an animal (and yes lets face it, I want to have J.K. Rowling’s Job, but realism keeps getting in my way). It was the mythical ‘Opportunity knocking on my door’ event. To boil it down, I accepted a position with people I had worked with in the past, who knew my work ethic and my computer skills, and who had been courting my services for almost a year. Finally I said yes.
SUCKERS!!!!!!!
No really, all kidding aside, I am a fricken genius.
OK, maybe more a savant.
OK, Idiot Savant
But hey, I got to where I needed to go.
But at a price.
I may have hated the company I was at, but the people I worked with day in and out, were better than work colleagues, they were more like family. I dreaded the day I gave my 2 weeks notice and I won’t even go into my last day there; just thinking about it makes me go wussy, except to say that the walk from that building to my car, was the loneliest walk I have ever taken. I think I stood out in that parking for a least a half hour, just looking back at it.
So where am I now? At a job that is twenty miles from my home. For some, that is a long distance, for others it’s not so bad. For me, it’s like rolling out of bed. I have basically shortened my daily commute by 190 miles.
When I told my gas station attendant that I was no longer going to see him on a daily basis, I think he started to cry. When The big 3 oil company execs heard that I was no longer going to add to the lions share of their bottom line, I believe that they jumped off of their ‘Ivory Towers’ (or a least I hope they did).
*****
It has been a month now since I changed jobs and it has been great so far. This month I figure that I have saved about $600.00 in fuel bills and, I have regained my vision as I can finally see in living color again; no more hazy grey tones. I have kept in touch with the gang down south and even made a surprise visit there last week. It’s funny how the ride there and back this time felt almost like it did when I first started down there: Fresh and exciting.
I have started catching up on a lot of back work here on the ranch and let me tell you, there is a lot of it, which is why you haven’t heard much from me lately. I have been re-introducing myself to long lost family and friends and will even get to see my little sister this May.
I won’t say that life is better than it was, it has always been good. It’s just that now, like when Dorothy stepped from the dreary sepia tones of her Kansas farm house into the Technicolor world of OZ, it once again seems fresh and exciting.
March 15 Et Tu Tu U TuJust want to wish you all a Happy Ides Of March; a celebration of watching your back (especially amongst your friends).
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Invite as friend
